On this very day, 24 years ago, my world abruptly changed forever. At 15 years old, I watched my mother take her very last breath.
I did not know how to handle and cope being this was my very first death and I had no real guidance and support. Although I have 3 older sisters, they were going through their pain and suffering and finding their own way through our mother’s death. My step-father who was in the picture most of my life just picked up and vanished with my step-sister!
Growing up, my family and I didn’t experience or talk much about death so I had to figure life out on my own especially after experiencing and watching the once healthy and strong beautiful mother I once knew wither and rot away to a sickness called cancer (this happened all over a 2-year-period). I remember after my mother passed, I was in denial at first, then I felt anger, sadness and fell into a deep depression. I began numbing myself especially in the world of being self-medicated. I experimented with a lot of drugs and alcohol hoping it would take the pain away or even somehow bring my mother back. It took me many years to learn that this was how I handled myself grieving and mourning over my mother’s death and that my grieving went too far into the darkness.
Several years later, I was able to eventually see the light and become aware of my poor choices and pull myself out of the darkness. I have seen how this suffering has caused me to live an unfulfilled and unhappy life that almost came to an end. Something inside of me woke up many years later and realized I no longer wanted to live this type of lifestyle and instead wanted to work on healing myself. So I began giving up all of the habits that was harming me and causing me to suffer in such a way and I started focusing on serving me and my best good...and WOW there is SO MUCH LIGHT in my world today!
The more I heal myself, the more I want to help heal others. Along this journey of healing, I have learned grieving looks different for everyone. Grieving is a process. It can be as short or as long as the person needs. There is no limit and deadlines. Some come to an acceptance of the loss faster than others. Everyone is at their own pace, living their own life, making it through such a traumatic and difficult time their very own ways. As soon as I started accepting my mother's death and the way I was living my life, I seen how I started growing and improving in extraordinary ways. I remember being in graduate school learning about the process of grieving and I was amazed because I began connecting the pieces of how the psychology/counseling world provided me with a better understanding of what I was experiencing in my process of grief. Some of the helpful info I learned is that: According to psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, she observed that a person goes through five different stages of grief. Each individual may experience these stages in different orders and may look differently to everyone. One does not have to go through each stage to heal and some may or may not experience all of these stages:
Denial - Avoid / Shock. “This really cannot be happening to me!”
Anger - Frustrated / Anxious. "Why is this happening to me? I blame …”
Bargaining - Lack of Meaning. “I promise I will do this, if you keep her alive."
Depression - Hopelessness / No Interest. “I feel way too sad to do anything.”
Acceptance - Move Forward. “I am at peace with what has happened.”
A person does not have to pass away and die in order for someone to grieve. Grief can also look like someone losing their home, developing a new physical ailment and chronic pain, a break-up or divorce, losing a pet, a miscarriage, losing a job or a even a friend, moving and selling a family house, trauma, anticipatory grief, disenfranchised grief, an end and a beginning to a chapter in life… there are so many other forms of grief an individual goes through.
I believe it is important for everyone to have the support they deserve especially during a time of bereavement. Allow me to assist you as your spiritual self-love coach to help you navigate and work through your grievance. I can help you by providing a listening ear, having no judgement on the feelings, emotions and thoughts you are experiencing, by guiding you with self-care techniques to incorporate into your routine to keep you in check with your self-love you deserve to give to yourself during such a heavy time. It is important to still maintain your mental, physical, emotional and spiritual well-being while going through any of the stages of grief. I am here to help with this.
Here are some tips I will provide that has helped me and so many others heal through grief:
Ways to Cope with Grief:
Acknowledge your feelings
Maintain a good sleep routine
Express Yourself: create art/journal
Allow yourself the time you need to heal
Keep up with hobbies and leisure activities
Seek Support: friend, family member, life, coach, therapist, neighbor
Accept that grief can make you feel an array of emotions
Support yourself by giving yourself what you need: self-care
“We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.” ~Kenji Miyazawa
To learn more on how I can be at your service, I offer a free discovery call to see if we are compatible in working with one another. You can schedule this session here. I look forward to hearing from you and healing with you. Lots of Love <3